Can’t Agree on a First Dance Song? Here’s What to Do (Without Breaking Up)

He wants Coldplay. She wants Lizzo.You want the romantic slow jam from your favourite rom-com, and your partner is pitching "Enter Sandman".

Ah yes — the first dance song standoff.

If you’re currently staring down a playlist battlefield, take heart. You’re not alone, and you’re definitely not doomed. Many couples find themselves with very different vibes when it comes to music. But choosing a first dance song doesn’t have to be a relationship test — in fact, it can be a chance to grow, laugh, and discover something new together.

Let’s break down how to go from “That’s your pick? Seriously?!” to “This is so us.”

Step 1: Start with the Feels, Not the Genre

Instead of arguing over artists or albums, ask each other:What kind of feeling do we want our dance to have? Romantic? Fun? Goofy? Nostalgic?

Maybe one of you is thinking candlelit love story, and the other is picturing a full-on dance party moment. Get aligned on the vibe, and then work backwards from there.

You might be surprised to find there’s overlap between "acoustic indie" and "soft rock ballad" if you’re both aiming for cozy and emotional.

Step 2: Create a “No Judgment” Playlist

Each of you picks 5–7 songs you genuinely love and toss them into a shared playlist. Rule: no eye rolls, no vetoes. Just listen together.

You might cringe at their third ‘80s power ballad, but suddenly realise… “Wait, this one actually kind of slaps.”

The magic often happens when you give unfamiliar tracks a real chance. (Yes, even that one with the sax solo.)

Step 3: Move to It — Literally

Some songs feel great in your ears but weird in your bodies. Try actually dancing (badly!) in your lounge to a few of your top picks.

Sometimes, the right song isn’t the one that gives you goosebumps — it’s the one that makes you both laugh, connect, or feel like yourselves while moving.

We’ve had couples come in adamant about a song… and change their minds the moment they tried dancing to it.

Step 4: Go Halfsies

Who says you have to pick one?

We love a mashup. Start with a slow, romantic intro and then surprise your guests with a cheeky tempo switch halfway through. Think: Etta James into Bruno Mars. Or Ed Sheeran into your favourite Kiwi band.

It’s the perfect compromise — and it makes your dance way more memorable.

Step 5: Let the Song Find You

Cheesy? Yes. But true.

Sometimes, the perfect song sneaks up when you're not looking. You hear it on a car ride, in a café, or while arguing over socks. You stop. You look at each other. You know.

Trust that moment.

Music doesn’t need to make sense to everyone — just to you two.

Final Thought: You’re Not Picking a Song — You’re Picking a Memory

No one’s going to judge your first dance song. (Except maybe your little brother — but he’ll cry during the speeches, so don’t worry.)

This isn’t about choosing the “coolest” or “most romantic” track. It’s about choosing the one that feels like a tiny audio snapshot of your love.

If that’s Beyoncé? Great. If it’s Fleetwood Mac? Magic. If it’s two wildly different songs merged together with a sax solo in the middle? Iconic.

Just pick the one that makes you feel most like you.

Planning your wedding in New Zealand?

Struggling to settle on a song? I get it. I work with real, hilarious, totally human couples all over NZ who want their first dance to feel natural — even if their playlists are wildly different.

From Tauranga to Rotorua, Mount Maunganui to Papamoa, I help you turn your song (or mashup!) into a moment you’ll love.

Book a free discovery session with SWAY — and let’s find your rhythm, together.